So Lez Talk About the Grammys

So I guess I have to work on this thing we call "timeliness." Not one of my strong suits. I barely squeeked by with my favorite albums of 2008, and here I am posting something that happened three nights ago. Since I don't foresee me improving at this weakness of mine any time soon, I'll try my best to write about something that is NOT time sensitive next time.

So with that half ass apology out of the way, lez talk about the Grammys! ... Something I like to watch every year to catch up on what everyone else apparently already knows. So after three hours of typical diverse performances and way to many "wanna be" candid shots of Sir Paul McCartney... ("Quick camera 2, camera 2! I think I see Paul giving the peace sign!... Damn it's just a scratch!) ... Here's just a few quick thoughts about it all...







(Photo caption:) DOUCHE. (that's Chris Brown)




- Houston we have a problem... Drippy eye Whitney still has a great relationship with her pipe! (Aren't they cute!)






(Photo Caption:) "How come no one told me I forgot to take off my paper napkin bib!? I'm so embarrased. But damn that burger was delicious!"



- And here's my instant apology. She has been through life experiences that I couldn't even imagine... And there wasn't a dry eye when she performed. Jennifer Hudson, you rightfully deserve "Best R&B Album" of the year.


- I'm one of those pathetic (closet) fans of Justin Timberlake. So let's just say I was very pleased to see his sexiness perform twice - knitted scarf and all...


- Coldplay. What everyone thought would be a gigantic evening for them... was not. But still a well endowed night to say the least, because they took home 3 of those gramaphone-thing-a-ma-bops.
I kind of feel bad for the british blokes though. Because management cleary came up with the idea of making them wear "hip" or should I say thrifty Sgt. Pepper mock attire. (Because THE Sir McCartney was there!) But that idea cleary backfired. Because the end result looked as if Chris and the gang had five minutes to raid the costume closest of a local high school theater department... who just happened to put on a colorful rendition of Fiddler on the Roof.


- I don't know what I want more. Carrie Underwood's legs or the other chic's lead guitar skillz. Either of the two would do. Miss Underwood won for "Best Female Country Vocal Performance" for "Last Name." After hearing this for that first time, I would say it's about getting crazy one night and perhaps doing the nasty with someone, whom she didn't know his last name. And to that I say, Carrie, atleast you knew his first. Cowgirl hat off to you.


- Jason Mraz was nominated for "Best Song" of the year. I laughed, then found out it wasn't a joke. Luckily enough for us he didn't win.


- Kid Rock. How this guy gets ass, let alone sell records, is beyond me.


- Taylor Swift is adorable and after hearing her for the first time, offers promise. Miley Cirus is a tad obnoxious, but i guess all sixteen year olds are... Let's just hope she sticks with Disney.


- Kanye West oddly resembled Michael Jackson in his Bad era.


- Robert Plant & Allison Kraus brought the house down. WXPN also was a huge fan of them. T. Bone Burnett did a good job with that pairing. While accepting his Grammy, Plant said something along the lines... "Some might call this selling out, I just thought it was a good way to spend a Sunday." Best line of the night.


- Paul McCartney played with the Foo's! (And did a pretty great job I might add) I don't know what David Grohl was more happy about - Playing the drums live once again or staring at the backside of everyone's favorite "living" Beatle for 2 1/2 minutes.

- Adele won for "Best New Artist." Approved... Though I think "Hometown Glory" should have got the recogntion that "Chasing Pavements" did. All around, it's a better song. Unfortunately for the Jonas Brothers they did not win this category. Bummer. But they gave it all their all during their live performance with Stevie Wonder. Um yeah, until that unfortunate voice cracking incident. A LITTLE uncomfortable. But don't let it get you down my boy, because in a few years this akward stage of puberty will be over... and so will your music career. Double Bummer.


- When did commercial rap take over EVERYTHING?


- And what the fuck is Neil Diamond still doing performing "Sweet Caroline!?" Really! Was anyone else as repulsed as me? No one wants to see you awkwardly point to no one in the stands. Botox does not make you sexy, nor does your slow ass two-step. Way to ruin the Grammys for us all. Please stop resurfacing.



- And because I don't want to leave you on a low note, I'll leave you with the fantastic news that my boys won for "Best Alternative Album" of the year... A Grammy not worthy enough to broadcast on live television, but gosh darn it, it's a Grammy... They also performed 15 Step accompanied by the USC Marching Band. I bet there are a few USC students kicking themselves in the ass for quitting band in order to make time for their rigorous frat schedule... Sucks for you. But as always Radiohead rocked the house, and apparently Gwenyth Palthrow also has a problem with creaming her pants when introducing them.


So to wrap it up... Be glad you didn't waste your Sunday night watching this. But I'm sure I'll make the same mistake next year.